Does it ever get easier?
My parenting ‘skills’ feel like they are really being tested lately. Harry turns two next week… that’s two years that I have had him in my life, almost 3 if you count the pregnancy itself – and I still don’t feel that I’ve come forward as a Mum and in coping with being a parent.
Some days I tell myself, it’s normal, parenting is hard for everyone and we are always going to be tested through tears, tantrums and toddler behaviour (and child, teenager…. I know it will always happen)
But on probably 5 out of 7 days – I’m finding it harder. My patience wears thin too quickly, I lose motivation to get through the day with a positive mindset and I find myself falling back into the trap of just ‘making it through the day’ not making the most of every day.
I’m in the last trimester of this pregnancy and that obviously has an effect, I’m absolutely shattered, everything hurts and I have never felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. Everyone that knows me knows I’m a pretty self conscious person with little confidence but being pregnant this time around has taken it to another level, I have never felt so gross and unattractive. And I’m certain this is having a huge knock on effect on my day to day life.
I’m already worrying that the effects of past depression are going to come back full force when Baby girl arrives and that’s putting extra worry on my mind – I never really dealt with it properly after Harry and I think that’s why I’m where I am now. After a good day I tell myself ‘I’m cured’ then one small setback and I’m back to the negative thinking and low moods.
Yes, I want someone to tell me it’ll be fine, it will all get better and the future will be a breeze. But realistically I know it’s down to me.
And what would I say to all you other Mums struggling out there – get some help and deal with your demons. Enjoy every day with your little ones. Look after yourself and make time for yourself.
So maybe it’s time to take my own advice, right?
Tomorrow is the start of a new week and hopefully a better one.