Harry at 22 months

I’m trying to turn my blog around a little and focus on writing about life with Harry (and soon to be his little sister too) I find myself writing about the struggles of parenting etc but there is also SO much positive I could share too. Being Harry’s mum is definitely not an easy ride but so much fun – my boy is such a little character which I would love to share. 

I’m going to write a month to month on what he’s been up to, development, that sort of thing. 

So I’m starting today, 22 months down the line. From a tiny newborn to a chunky mischievous toddler. 

At 22 months, Harry loves – 

  • Being outside – if he could do anything all day it would be to just run free. He loves to play on the field or beach and just run wild, nothing makes him happier!
  • Playing with Daddy – such a daddy’s boy (yes I am bitter about this – ha!) his face lights up whenever Kyle enters the room!
  • Being destructive! Anything he can throw / make a noise with and he’s in his element!

The things he doesn’t love so much –

  • Being in his pram – he loves to be free so if he has to be in his pram he will have a face on for the entire time, and the second he can break free from it, he’s gone in a flash! 
  • Being told no! – like most toddlers I’m sure! He has mastered the foot stomping and the ‘how dare you say no’ face and the tantrums are becoming a regular thing (why do they insist on climbing on everything they shouldn’t anyway?!) 
  • Going to bed – he would stay awake 24/7 if he could! 

(But when he does sleep he looks like butter wouldn’t melt!)

He ignores everything we say to him, takes absolutely no notice of anything that isn’t a choice of his own – definitely Mr Independent and he is super cheeky! 

He is a little delayed in some areas of development and isn’t talking yet (not so bad when it means he can’t answer us back yet!) We have seen the HV today and are due to be seen by Speech & language and the Early years team so I will be writing about how we get on with this – I’m intrigued to see what they suggest and what will help him to develop in the areas he’s behind in. 

My favourite thing about my boy is how he lights up the room with his smile and he is so full of character – I can’t wait to share more with you all! 

As I continue to work on my blog content I’ll be sharing my favourite buys for Harry too – clothes, toys etc. So keep your eyes peeled.

Jenn xxx

Me time. 

Almost every day when I finish work, I get offered a lift home, and almost every day I say No. I really enjoy that bit of time between leaving work and getting home to just be alone, have 5 minutes completely to myself. I’m sure many of you relate to that?

I’m really feeling this today.

The last few days, maybe even week, have been a struggle. Im ridiculously tired, Harry has been ridiculously hard work and I feel ridiculously fat. Yes I’m aware I’m pregnant, but I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin right now.

Throw that all into the mix with some horrendous pregnancy hormones and you catch back up with me here, sat alone, headphones in, breathing in the fresh air and breathing a sigh of relief. A bit of time just me and my own thoughts is just what I needed today. 

I mean, being thrown around like a rag doll on this awful island train isn’t my idea of fun right now, especially as my bladder is at the point of bursting – but it’s nice to just zone out a bit.

This isn’t a moan about how I never get time to myself (well, maybe a teeny bit) it’s more an appreciation of the time I do get. 

I love being at home with my boys and I enjoy going off to work in between… All I’m doing today is going to ikea to get some bits for Harry’s new bedroom and I may be a little too excited about this. 

And quite honestly – I think they need a few hours off from me too, I’m not the easiest to live with at the moment, in fact I’m pretty bloody awful. 

You’d think almost two years on from having Harry I would be learning to manage my bad days better, not fly off the handle at every tantrum and get myself into a state over the smallest of things – but I seem to be getting worse again. Of course I’m going to blame the pregnancy hormones and hope it passes. As always, writing it down always takes a huge weight off my shoulders and gives me a bit of perspective. 

Anyway, the main point is – if you need some time out, take it. A bit of you time could be the difference between losing your shit or managing it.

 Today I’m going to manage it.

I’ve been on the verge of losing it far too many times this week and I’m determined to face a new week head on and not let it get the better of me. 

Not only for myself but for my gorgeous little family – who in case they don’t know, keep me going each and every day. 

Do what you gotta do, take a few hours out, do some shopping, take a bath, go get your hair done, whatever floats your boat.

Also I should probably advise against writing a blog post on a rickety train before getting on a boat if you suffer travel sickness as bad as I do – pass me the sick bag!!! 

(And breathe, your doing ok.)
Jenn xxx

10 signs you live with a child

1- You use baby wipes for everything! Spillage? Dust? Mark on the wall? Baby wipe. Make up removal? Baby wipe. Mid-pee and no toilet roll upstairs – baby wipe. Classy I know, but so versatile! Ha!

2- Finding things in the most unexpected of places, like getting to work and finding the teletubbies have decided to join you…


3- Silence becomes a worry… where are they and what are they doing?! Who ever enjoyed peace and quiet anyway?!

4- You move around the house like a ninja, you know the exact location of every creaky floorboard and avoid with precision when your little angel is sleeping. 

5- What would normally be an ok volume on the tv is now like a high pitched shriek in your ears… 20 or more and it’s FAR too loud. 

6- You find yourself watching (and sometimes engrossed in) children’s tv, even once your little one is snoozing….

7- You dread mealtimes. Mess, mess and more mess. Waste, more mess, eating your own dinner cold, and even more mess! 

8- You wonder how you ever enjoyed a bath without bath toys – rubber ducks become your new evening companion. 

9- You sleep like a baby and get to lay in all the time. WHO AM I KIDDING … you will never sleep again! (Seriously I just want some sleep)

10- On the rare occasion you get to dress up and have a child free evening out of the house, your so worn out from the workout of getting mini Satan to bed that even brushing your hair is an effort and you would rather just slob on the sofa and eat crap. 

Jenn xxx

My birth story. 

So it occurred to me whilst jotting down some blogging ideas, that I haven’t yet shared my birth story and lets face it, all mummy / baby bloggers share their birth story at some point! 

When I fell pregnant I went through a stage of being terrified of giving birth, and I had a huge fear that I might actually die. For those that know me well, I can be a little dramatic and I worry a headache is going to be the end of me, but this was a genuine fear. It’s also no secret that I’m not the most maternal of people so the idea of birth wasn’t a natural thing to me and it made me feel a little queasy every time somebody mentioned it. 

As my pregnancy went on, my mindset changed and I thought ‘he has to come out one way or another’ and my worries seemed to subside and I didn’t really think about it.

Fast forward to Friday 3rd July 2015, 4 days past my due date and I was getting the odd twinge. I had been up in the night with period type pain but thought nothing of it. It was early evening, Kyle had gone to work and the pains were becoming more regular, but I told myself it was nothing. After a short while I called the maternity unit who advised me to make my way up there, I tried to stay calm, called Kyle’s work, got him home and off we went. 

That evening is all a bit of a blur, I was examined by the midwife and consultant, and given a sweep. The consultant was concerned about the small size of my belly and baby, along with signs of pre – eclampsia, and informed me I would not be going home. I was given a sweep and told that of things didn’t get going by the next day I would be induced. The fear really started to set in and the reality that the next time I went home, would be with our baby.

” Pre-eclampsia

a condition in pregnancy characterized by high blood pressure, sometimes with fluid retention and proteinuria. ”
I don’t remember much else from that evening, I just remember wishing Kyle could stay with me, but they sent him home. 

The next morning I was getting ALOT of pains, I was examined again and was still only 2cm dilated which was the same when I had arrived the night before, the midwives were swamped with their workload and I was alone for what felt like forever. By the time Kyle arrived around 10am I was climbing the walls in agony, I was literally clinging to the wall – I have no idea why but it was all that I could do to get in the zone and not go into panic. It was actually one of the domestic staff that realised I was in active labour whilst cleaning the room I was in ( I was lucky and had a room to myself) she said she used to be a midwife herself and she went off to find somebody. Turns out I was having back to back contractions so they got me ready to go down to the labour suite. I remember the midwife saying “are you happy to walk down” and I just started walking, I just wanted the pain to stop. I also remember her saying “I know you don’t want to have an epidural, but if you were my daughter, in this much pain, I would advise you to have one, but you need to make a decision now as the anaesthetist has an emergency coming in” I didn’t even hesitate – she could have offered me class A drugs and I would have taken them without a second thought.i was quickly prepped for the epidural and I remember the feeling like it was yesterday, I could feel the cold of it running down my spine, but it was nowhere near as bad as people had described to me, in fact compared to the contractions it was pretty pain free!

Hours passed, I was still only 2cm dilated and Harry’s heart rate was dropping with every contraction. It was a strange feeling sat there, just waiting. Our midwives shift was coming to an end and the next one came in to introduce herself and do her checks, she was instantly concerned and called for the consultant to come and see us. Within minutes I had a room full of medical staff doing all kinds of examinations – and this was actually the worst part for me – I had an extremely rough internal exam as the doctor tried to get a blood spot from Harry’s skull, this wasn’t successful, and they could see he was in fetal distress. The consultant made the decision that an emergency c- section was needed right away, Kyle was whisked straight off to get in his scrubs and I was rushed to the theatre. 

This was THE scariest moment of my life so far. I remember feeling completely terrified, I was so worried I was going to lose my little boy and my emotions were all over the place. 

I was shaking uncontrollably as I was introduced to a huge amount of doctors and nurses, who were all wonderful and put me at ease the best they could. I was soon re-united with Kyle and I was so relieved to have him back by my side. Never have I needed him like I did in that moment. 

Within minutes, they had cut me open, I could feel it, a strange numb kind of pain, and it felt like they were washing up in my belly, after some rough tugging and pulling, the pain was getting much worse so they topped up my drugs, the consultant told me if it got any worse they would have to put me out, but moments later he was here. 

Harry Thomas Welsh, born 3.26pm on Saturday 4th July. 

I remember Kyle peering over the screen and looking and I just laid there, in a complete daze. We didn’t get to see or hold him as they needed to check him over thoroughly due to the distress he had been in, he was covered in meconium so they gave him a bit of a clean too. It was all very strange, my boy was here but he wasn’t with me. 

Kyle was taken off while I was sewn up and the next time I saw them both was in the recovery room. Kyle had to dress and feed him and I laid there watching, in awe of how brilliant he already was as a Dad. I was shaking uncontrollably at this point – a reaction to the painkillers I had been given. 

When I did hold him, I couldn’t believe he was mine. He belonged to me, this teeny tiny human (5lb 9oz tiny

I knew I was going to love him, but I didnt feel that instant, overwhelming love that I always hear other mums talk about. I just felt tired and numb, physically and mentally. 

And this is where my journey began

And now I’m going to be doing it all again…

I still feel guilt that I didn’t have an ‘instant bond‘ and for the feelings I had for the months following Harry’s birth, and I worry that this guilt will take over when his little sister arrives, what if I feel differently? How is that fair on him?

Harry won’t remember all of this, but I will. 

I go back to that place a lot, and wish my birth story was different, if things were different would I have given Harry a better start to life, been a better Mum? 

But I know I’m being hard on myself. He is so loved. 

Nobody can control what Mother Nature decides. 

I’m hoping for a v-bac this time (vaginal birth after caesarean) but time will tell!

For now I’m not going to worry and enjoy the last of our time as a family of 3 before we grow to 4.

Exciting

I hope this wasn’t too much of a snooze fest – I could have rambled for hours! 

Jenn xxx

Ps – I would love to hear your birth stories too! 

5 little things

Often when I’m feeling a little low or miserable, I can get stuck in that place and spend the entire day wallowing …then wake up the next day with a cloud of regret, that I have wasted a whole day on negative feeling. I have my own little ways of pushing through and unless I’m on a real low, they always work for me!

1 – Spend less time on social media – I always say this and never take my own advice, but when I do make myself stay off facebook, twitter and Instagram for a few hours – I feel instantly refreshed. I love social media, I wouldn’t blog and Instagram so much if I didn’t – but all good things need moderation. 

2 – Look at old photos – this is always a guaranteed way to put a smile on my face, whether it be the good old teenage chavvy days with the worst fashion / make up and poses, or back to the first days of myself and Kyle’s relationship, Harry’s newborn photos or memorable nights out with the girls – it’s a sure way to lift my mood and take me back to those happy times and that reflects on my mood there and then – smiles all round! 

3 – Get outside! Fresh air is sometimes all I need. And living on the Isle of Wight just a few minutes walk from the beach – there’s not really any excuse not to get outside. The sea air especially makes me feel good and makes me appreciate the beauty around me. Despite the varied opinions of others – I love this little island!

4 – Spend some quality time with my boy – Between work, sleep, and every day routines – it’s easy to let the days go by and really not make the most of it. Harry is growing so fast and when I’m feeling a bit low I love nothing more than focusing my every second on him, soaking in his pure innocence and happiness, he’s like a sponge he absorbs all my negative feelings and sometimes I forget how much I take motherhood for granted – he makes me so, so happy. 

5 – Do something productive – empty out my handbag, mow the lawn, change the bedding, sort through old clothes. Taking my mind off things and having a focus however small can really lift my mood and change my mindset for the day ahead. 

These are my ‘5 little things‘ What are yours? 
Jenn xxx

A light at the end of a tunnel…

Do you ever stop to think about where you are in life and where you want to be? I have been doing this a lot lately and it has really helped me in trying to find my happy and figure out the things that bring me down and how to overcome and deal with them. 

As most of you know, I have suffered postnatal depression, which the aftermath of that left me feeling down in the dumps and an anxious mess. If you have read previous blog posts you will know that each day since having Harry has been a struggle and I’m constantly working on getting better. And I really think I’m getting there. 

As many of you will also know, antidepressants just weren’t for me – probably a naive decision on my part but I was convinced I could manage without them, and once I fell pregnant for the second time that was the final decision to stop taking them. Don’t take this as advice – your GP is medically trained in these things and I’m no doctor – this was just a personal decision. I didn’t like the idea of relying on a pill and quite honestly I was absolutely rubbish at remembering to take them each day so this actually made me worse, I would go from high to a massive low within a short amount of time. It was the darkest time of my life so far and I knew I needed to do something.

I started to ask myself – what makes me happy, and what makes me sad. I have also been reading Fearne Cottons ‘Happy’ she talks about her own struggles and gives helpful tips and exercises throughout, I really found some of this helpful and put it into practice with myself. I would highly recommend it.


So what makes me happy? The one single thing that brings me the most joy is seeing my boy smile. Simple as that. And that was the start I needed – how could I make him happy each day if I couldn’t even bear to bring myself to smile? Each day from then, I have been working on turning negatives into positives and trying to see the best in different situations. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always possible, there’s still a very dark cloud lingering inside – some days when I’m on a real high, it will only take the smallest thing – a comment from someone, a funny look, and that’s all it takes to set me off back to ‘that place’ but I try to keep telling myself, being unhappy is draining and a waste of precious time. 

It’s such a cliche but you really don’t know when your time is up, so you should make the most of every day if you can. 

Over the past weeks, one main thing I’ve been trying to do is cut negativity out from my life. I’ve been seeing people and situations for the drain that they are (harsh but true) and I’m trying to either erase these things or be more upfront about how they make me feel. 

Nobody has the perfect life, we all have things that make us feel sad and there are situations we just can’t control. But I truly believe that you are in charge of your own happiness, as I say, I can’t control what life throws at me but I can face it head on and come out on the other side. It was only a few months ago I really believed that things would never get better, each day was a battle of my own mind and I dreaded waking up and having to face the day, every day. 

Now – I do anticipate what the day will bring and I have huge anxiety about the most ridiculous things (ridiculous in hindsight – but not in my head) and I do come across constant barriers that shove me back a few steps. But, for the first time in a long time I can truly say I’m happy. 

And quite honestly why wouldn’t I be, I have a gorgeous growing family, amazing friends, supportive parents, I live on a beautiful island (even more beautiful when the sun is shining) and although there’s a lot I need to work on and a lot I want to achieve, its ongoing, it’s something to work towards, a focus – and a focus is exactly what I need to keep my head straight. 

There’s bound to be a lot of bumps in the road but that’s life, right? 

Self help has been my ‘therapy’ but I haven’t gone it alone… although they don’t know, the people around me have been a huge help. 

For me, I will continue to face each day head on, enjoy being a mum, a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, a friend – sometimes you forget that others rely on you too. 

And for today, I am going to enjoy the sunshine and reflect on what a brilliant week I’ve had. 

Onwards and upwards!

Jenn xxx 

Butlins – yes or no? 

With another baby on the way, I wanted to have a break with Kyle and Harry that we were all really in need of, but mostly for Harry to enjoy before his little sister arrives. I opted for Butlins as it caters so much for little ones and seemed like the perfect place for a family break. 

So the reason for this blog post is for anyone wondering whether it’s worth it – I went anticipating disappointment after several people said they had experienced rubbish holidays there themselves. But personally, I thought it was great and we really enjoyed ourselves.

Getting there and accommodation:

We booked a self catering standard apartment in Bognor Regis, Monday to Friday. We got this on a deal, and went for self catering as we knew we would eat out a lot. They offer dining packages when you book but this isn’t something that suited us. 

Prior to going I downloaded the Butlins app – this is really handy as it includes an interactive map, details of where to eat and shows you what’s on when and where on the resort to find it. 

We planned to get there by train as it’s only about 50 minutes from Portsmouth harbour and easy to reach once arriving at Bognor train station. The train tickets were cheap so this didn’t add much expense (as usual it’s the boat that bankrupts you

Unfortunately our train was cancelled and the alternative route would have added hours to our journey, along with the stress of travelling with a grumpy toddler – luckily my Dad came to the rescue (as always) and drove us there. 

On arrival, check in was really quick and easy, our apartment was easy to find and close by to everything. For a standard apartment it covered everything we needed,  clean and tidy and adequate for our stay. We paid extra when we booked for towels and housekeeping which I would recommend! 

Fun and games:

The entertainment throughout our stay was brilliant – for Harry there was soft play, arts and crafts, regular shows in the pavilion, parks, arcades and of course Splash waterworld. The only disappointing thing (for us) is that adults can’t go in the main soft play area so Harry was too small, and he was too small for all of the rides, even the tots ones so he couldn’t go on – even with one of us. Harry wasn’t interested anyway so it didn’t really matter but it would have been nice to try. He also wouldn’t sit and watch the shows, but there was plenty available. Of course this is with exception of ‘Teletubbies big party’ a 20 minute show which was on 3 times throughout our stay, we went twice and he absolutely loved it. The redcoats interact brilliantly with the little ones and get them all involved which was nice.

Around the resort there is an outside fairground with stalls such as hook a duck etc, helter shelter, dodgers, carousel and other rides. There are other activities you can book such as wall climbing, zip wiring and archery. Regular outside activities such as football, volleyball and basketball, crazy golf, go karting and loads more! 


For family / adult entertainment there was so much on offer. We enjoyed several shows including pantomime, modern song and dance shows and tribute acts. They were all brilliant and all inclusive of the price. It was a good variety, including rollerboys (1950s singers on skates) Beat street (a live music show) and a night with Freddie (Freddie Mercury tribute) these were just some of the ones we chose to watch but there was plenty of other shows and acts on throughout each evening on the different stages. Again, if you download the app you can see what’s on offer by a tap of your phone. 

(Because we went on an Easter break there was a lot of Easter themed activities) 
For us, Splash (the swimming pool) was our main highlight – this is because Harry LOVES to go swimming. They had toddler sessions in the mornings where the flumes etc were switched off and there were toys and a quieter time for 0-5 years and parents. We went to this on one of the mornings but we mainly went during the normal time as it was still suitable for all ages – and Kyle got to be a big kid and use the slides while preggers here watched in jealousy! We went every day, even twice in one day as it was so much fun! 

Food and drink: 

Before arriving we stopped at Sainsbury’s to stock up on essentials, bread, milk, lunch bits and snacks. If your happy to cook then you could have bought most of it there and took it with you and saved money on eating out. 

On our first night we grabbed a Burger King for convenience. 

There are several restaurants around the resort – we are in 3 of them. ‘Papa johns‘ – we chose to have pizza and salad buffet , (they can also deliver to your apartment / hotel if you prefer) We are in the ‘Beachcomber Inn’ which I would highly recommend – the food was delicious and the atmosphere was lovely. And the desserts were a-mazing! I would also highly recommend ‘The Diner‘ an American style restaurant with a great choice of food and drink. I enjoyed a birthday lunch there and couldn’t fault it at all. 


We were lazy and had Burger King a couple of times but that’s down to choice.

As for drinks – it’s pretty pricey! I obviously was on soft drinks, yet a round for just me and Kyle averaged about £8 a time for a cider and a lemonade! As you can imagine this racked up quickly, but we were enjoying ourselves so it didn’t bother us too much. There was a good variety of healthy food and drinks for Harry so that was a positive, we obviously treated him each day but we were still able to offer healthy variety too. 

In between we mostly had lunch in our apartment and we made our own breakfast each day:

Lastly – Scoop ice cream was DELICIOUS! Yes we queued for far too long but the ice cream was to die for. I chose peanutella, oreo and cookies & cream – it was soooo good! Especially with the sun shining. 

Anything else:

Overall for a fun, family holiday it was everything we needed and we had a great time. It was hard work with a demanding (and probably over excited overstimulated toddler) but it was so worth it to see his face light up and spend some proper time together.

One thing I would say, if you have small kids, to book a ‘Just for tots‘ break for 0-5 years. We didn’t know about this at the time we booked, but these breaks cater especially for families with children of just this age. 

I think with somewhere like Butlins, it’s down to making your own mind up but I hope this helps anyone who isn’t sure.


For us it was a definite yes and we will be going back next year with Harry and bubba.

I’d love to hear recommendations from you for family breaks / days out. We are hoping to try CBeebies land at Alton towers if anyone has been themselves…

Jenn xxx

What are you grateful for today? …. 

Today has been an emotional one.

We had our 20 week scan today (20+4) and after being 99% convinced of another little boy – we found out we are expecting a little girl


We have said throughout it would be lovely to have a girl, one of each, perfect. But we would  obviously have been equally happy to have another boy, as long as the baby is happy and healthy that’s all anyone could ask for. 

When the sonographer told us we are expecting a little princess I burst into tears, I was full of emotions. And again, one of them was guilt. I felt guilty for being so happy and excited after struggling the past 18 months with PND. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be happy, but I was, I am.
Almost 3 years ago my gynaecologist told me I would probably never conceive naturally, and now here I am, with a beautiful 20 month old boy and a little girl due in the summer. I have absolutely everything to be grateful for and my heart is so full it could burst. 

I’ve really been trying to get myself to a good place over the last few months and I really feel like I’m getting there, I look for the good in things rather than focus on the bad and today has been a good day. 

Harry has been poorly today, and has been extra snuggly, which really gave me the chance to just sit and look at what a wonderful little life we have already created – the love I have for him is beyond any I have ever felt before and I can feel the same love for the life growing inside of me. 


I have never been a maternal person and constantly compare myself to everyone else, but if I know one thing today, it is that becoming a parent has changed me for the better and I constantly strive to be better for my children. (I still find it weird to say I have children, and to call myself a mother

I’m so unbelievably thankful for what I have, not all of us are so lucky. And I will bear this in mind each day when things get tough.

Today, I am truly grateful, for life, my gorgeous son Harry, my daughter to be, and of course for Kyle. I couldn’t do any of this without him.



Happy Thursday everyone. 

Jenn xxx

“Have courage and be kind”

Today’s blog post is a simple one… but sometimes you just have to vent, and writing is my best way to do this. I instantly feel like I have offloaded… it’s like my own agony aunt!

So I’m having a lovely weekend with my little family but seeing and hearing so many things over the week I have been thinking a lot to myself – why are people so nasty? Why is everyone so quick to stab each other in the back, put each other down and just generally be shit people? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a right misery at times and I love a good old bitch and moan as much as the next person, but I really believe I am a kind person who will always be there for others who really need it….

Anyway, I follow a lady and her husband on Instagram… they had triplets a couple of years ago, and after a very long battle, they lost one of them to childhood cancer recently..This may seem to be going off topic, but yesterday they had an event to raise money for other families going through the same. And their message has been the whole way through ‘Be part of the good’ 

I came across this family when I spent a lot of time reading other blogs after having Harry, and have followed their journey for a very long time now and I admire their strength so so much! Even after the pain and heartbreak they still focus on being good to others – After seeing all the posts surrounding  their fundraiser yesterday and the way I have been feeling this week… I really just want to share their message –

BE PART OF THE GOOD.

That is all. Be kind. You never know what someone else may be going through. 


Jenn xxx

The journey continues ❤️

I’ve been having a bit of writers block… so much I want to say but just no words to say it! 

So where am I at on my motherhood journey? Well, I’m now 18 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and feeling pretty good. The morning sickness has been gone for weeks now and apart from the CONSTANT need to pee, I’m feeling the best I’ve felt in ages. All that could make things better right now would be some decent sleep! 

It’s been a longggggg 20 months of sleepless nights with Harry and they are seriously taking their toll! I even daydream about bed throughout the day – sad, right

But otherwise, physically, I’m all good. Even if I am carrying a ‘bell pepper’ but actually look like I’m carrying a pineapple. 


Mentally… better, but still a struggle. I have more positive than negative days now, which is always a good thing. But then I hit a low and I feel like I’ve taken 10 steps back in the direction I do not want to go! Every so often it will hit me that I’m going to have another baby, another tiny little person to care for and love… and it terrifies me that the PND will come creeping back and hit full force. 

All I want and all I try and do every single day is become a better person and Mum for my family. Let go of drama and negativity, smile more, make the best of any bad situation…but still I lay awake at night thinking “what if I will never be good enough for them” I see other Mums and their little ones and think Harry deserves better, a more fun, loving, outgoing Mum … and I dwell on it… but then – I think to myself ….

I work hard to keep a roof over his head, I’m juggling work and parenting as well as being almost 5 months pregnant and sleep deprived! He’s happy, he’s healthy and he’s loved. WHY am I giving myself such a hard time?! And I guess that’s the message I want to get out from this (even though it’s taken all this rambling to get to the point) … that all you can possibly do is your best. Nobody is perfect and nobody knows how to do it right. We really are just winging it. 

My focus for the next few months (and forever really) is to continue to find my happy, put my all into giving my family the best I can, worry less about what other people think and take it day by day and smile. And my advice to anyone reading this is to do the same… focus on what makes you happy. For me it will be spending time with Kyle and Harry (little excited for Butlins next month) and preparing myself for the new addition to our family… in 2 weeks we will find out if it’s pink or blue (I’m convinced it’s another boy)

Have a great week everyone! 🙂 
Jenn xxx